Six feet under your skin.

Hey believer,
Please come give your faith to me.
Hey there apathetic,
Why won't your courage rub off on me?

Hey there Mother Earth,
I'd love so much to be under your skin,
Six feet under your skin..

Hey there Father Time,
When does your clock run out?
When will I stop ticking?

Oh Maker,
I'm ready to come home,
I'm ready to come home.

Hello dear Silence,
When will you come to drown me?

To visit the grave of the living.

When someone dies, the image you have of them always stays the same. If they die at the age of 15, 30 years later they will still be 15 to you. It must be a strange feeling to remember your best friend on your 30th birthday, 15 years after their death. I think it might be a way that we force ourselves to move on. Maybe as you forget the 15 year old that once lived in you, you also slowly forget the 15 year old that has died everywhere but inside your mind.
I do not have the experience to sit here and tell you how hard it is to visit a close friend's grave. I can, however, tell you how hard it is to want to when they aren't even dead.
The changes life brings can kill off anything, whether it's a friend, a family member, a pet, or even your hope for a better tomorrow. And, with every death, you also die slowly. One vessel at a time.
There is good news for you who are dying. With every death, comes knowledge. And with knowledge comes the dawning of new life. When something dies, it leaves behind a part of itself that will always last forever. Whether it's physical, or just a mere thought, something new and beautiful can always sprout from it.

The hurt that won't last.

It's hard to feel unappreciated. People can have that effect sometimes, especially the ones that only come to you when they need something that you can provide. The hardest part though, is when you start to evaluate your relationships to see what kind of people you around. You always seem to find that one person who you love so much that is really bringing you down. And when you figure out who they are, you know what you need to do, but you deny it, because you know that the pain you would have without them would be unbearable. But what you don't see is the fact that you can't even take a breath because you're already hurting since you won't cut them out of your life. I am not one to be giving advice, but all I can tell you is the only thing I wish that someone would have told me. Don't hold on. Leave all those people behind. Just leave and don't look back. Sometimes it's ok to run away. You will be fine. At least the hurt you will feel alone will fade, and eventually die over time.

Do well.

Two days ago, on January 27th, my sister had her 19th birthday. It was a Sunday, and my family went out for lunch with my grandparents. We ate Thai food, laughed, and forgot the issues of the previous week. At least they did. I am sad. I am very sad, and I feel lonely even though I know that I am surrounded by people that love me. My grandmother senses that in me. Even if I try to pretend that she doesn't, I will always be wrong. I can smile, laugh, and speak from the most fake, deceitful corner of my heart and she can always tell whats really there. She says it's my eyes. I say it's wisdom. She has 72 years of it, while I have only 15. So I put on a show, like I've been doing for the past few weeks. I looked at my grandmother, and her green eyes told me she wasn't fooled. So I continued eating my favorite dish in the entire world (yellow curry with mixed Thai vegetables and white rice) even though it felt like a chore. My Grandma Jane has this way about her that makes me feel like a small child, and not in a bad way. I can cry for hours with her and all I never feel ashamed. When we were leaving the restaurant, my grandparents had to begin their drive back to their home town. My grandpa gave me a rough, tight squeeze, as grandfathers often do, and as I turned to my grandmother, I felt hot tears sting my eyes. She said nothing aloud. Her eyes said it all. She held me tight and whispered in my ear, "Do well." I knew what she meant as soon as the words left her mouth. She did not mean in school. She did not mean in sports, or anything like that. She meant in my heart. Grandma Jane is the strongest, most beautiful, inspirational woman I know, (aside from my own mother) and she can say millions of things in only two words.