Bring in the New year.

Happy New Years. In 42 minutes it will be 2008. I am not prepared, and honestly, I am terrified. I have never gone into detail about myself in this blog, and I have never shared anything about my personal life. I guess now is as good a time as ever. My name is not Margarette, as you know, and I am 15 years old. I live in a city in the United States. I am going to begin this with an account of 2007 for me. In January, I was caught in the middle of a suicide attempt and sent directly to a hospital. After that, my grandfather was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and I began struggling in school. People had heard the rumors from a teacher about what had happened in January, and they began to taunt me. (I go to a small, private christian high school where suicide attempts are considered to be of Satan.) I had no friends, and often found threatening notes in my locker making sure I was aware of that. I was called the Antichrist, and people spread rumors that I was on heroine that almost got me expelled and sent back to rehab. I dropped out of school in the middle of march and finished the rest of the year through home school that ended up controlling the rest of my summer. In the fall, I was told that I had to start school again back in my private high school, which ended up just as bad as the previous school year. I still have no friends, and I still hear whispers of parents and teachers recommending each other, their students, and their children to stay away from me for the sake of their spiritual health. I have no resolutions this time. Only prayers.

Tomorrow is only a black sky away.

In this city,
dark and dreary,

eyes meet only concrete,

wet and grey.

In my city,

sunny and golden,

a smile is only a

handshake away.

Is it vast and empty,

or narrow, and busy?

Tomorrow is only a

black sky away.

The man with the briefcase,

black, and slick,

has harsh eyes, and only

one expression today.

The mind knows no limits,

the body no risks,

The subway system took all that away.

The ground here is shaking,

the grass here is dead,

the capital building took nature away.

Speak louder.

The hustle and bustle

took your voice away.

If there is a God.

The heart is a mysterious thing. It seems to be the most vital, yet also most fragile organ in the human body, aside from the brain. Do not take it for granted, I learned last night that just how valuable it is. A very dear friend of mine went to the cardiologist earlier this week because she was having some heart issues. She is bleeding internally. Her heart leaks blood with every beat. She needs open heart surgery to live out a normal life. This surgery is extremely dangerous, and it involves stopping her heart during the surgery. This is going to be a very hard Christmas on her and her family. The surgery is so risky that they still have not decided if it is worth doing. Keep her in your thoughts. I do not know if there is a God, but if there is, prayer wouldn't hurt either. Pray for Oni. Even if its just a silent thought while you go on with your day, everything counts.

What orchids can teach us.

I have an idea, a theory. It came to me in art class one afternoon about a week ago. You see, there are two sides of the brain. The left side, and the right side. The two sides work together usually to help you complete the tasks that you must face daily. The left side of the brain is much more logical. It focuses much more on the details of something rather than the object or situation as a whole. The right side of your brain sees the "big picture." When you draw, paint, or do any other sort of art, you have to recreate what you see onto the paper, or canvas using the medium of your choice. To do this correctly, you need to draw what you see, not what you know. For instance, if you are looking at an orchid, (an orchid works well here because it is a complicated plant) you have to break it down into shapes. You can not just draw what you know an orchid to be. The left side of the brain will make you think about orchids, and orchids you have seen previously, and that will make you see it as a three dimensional object. Although an orchid is a three dimensional objects, you have to pretend that it is a mere two dimensional photograph that you are seeing. That's where the right side comes in. The right side helps you forget anything you know about orchids, almost as if they are a foreign object that you have never seen before. Then, all you will know is the orchid right in front of you, and you will see every flaw, and every imperfection to be a normality for any orchid. This makes it easier to concentrate on the flower in front of you, and then you will be able to capture every folded leaf, and every misshapen petal. So, when you study art, one thing you learn is to "turn off" the left side of your brain, and use predominantly the right side. However, when you do this, there is a strange reaction. In my case, I go into a dream-like state. I can't hear anything around me, I can never remember my thoughts, or actions, and my focus is on one thing: the scratching of pencil on paper. So, after coming out of my hypnotic state, I had a thought. What if I could get to the point where I could feel like that at any given moment. Then, I could eventually harness it and create a beautifully peaceful meditation technique for myself. I would like to even get to the point where I become almost unaware of my own existence. I know that this has been done before, but I think it would be nice to use art to teach myself in my own way, don't you think?